Babbler or not

2004-03-07T11:35:00.000Z

THE END OF THE AFFAIR

Watched a really nice film on TV last night, it brought out so many messages worth to think about. Of course it includes questions about God. It also includes questions about Hate & love, as the narrative is brought out by a book written by the lead actor, "a book of hate". I would say it's a book of pain too.

Quote from Maurice, "It is always good to write when you're in pain... for pain is so easy to wrote, but who would be able to write about happiness?"

From Sarah, "Don't go on fighting it, it is only Love after all."

2003-12-25T14:42:00.000Z

METEORS

A couple of nights ago i was star-observing outside my house, i sat there for 2 hours and managed to see 3 falling stars. Naturally, i wished upon the falling stars. Some of my friends told me i should not make wish to falling stars because i am a Catholic, and i should only believe in one God. True, i should believe in one God. But have you ever realised everything in this "world", including the Sun, the moon and all the stars are made by God? I believe in this and i think falling stars are Angels sent from God, they are so rare and so beautiful, not everyone can see them. So when i make a wish to a falling star, i am asking the star to send my message (my wish) to God. I know these Angels are kind enough to understand my feelings, and then help transmitting my wishes to God.

If we don't see this in a religious way, it's still good to see falling stars. You get to sit quietly outdoor, gaze into the dark sky with many stars shining above. You get to have a precious time to think, and the if you're lucky, you get to see those beautiful meteor. This is indeed delightful. It's full of hopes up there in the sky. Merry Christmas to you all, and may God bless all of you.

2003-12-16T01:46:00.000Z

LIVERPOOL

A peaceful Liverpool (Abnormal.....) is actually quite beautiful, not many drunk scousers, chilled air, Christmas lightings in the houses and a slight frost on the ground. I went out with friends and had a great night. I was kinda homesick these days, but not as much now. It's somehow great to be away from home, to experience something new, to meet new people, to see more of the world. I will definitely miss this when i start working in Hong Kong after my graduation, back to my old world, this tiny little dot on the world map. I am not saying Hong Kong ain't nice, it is really really nice and one of the most beautiful, and undoubtedly the best city in the world. But it's just that i do need more explosure...i am thinking...maybe...hmmm....anyway, my feets are frozen now...

2003-12-11T12:28:00.000Z

"Everything is easier than one thinks."
Goethe

Whenever in doubt, repeat this for 20 times.

2003-12-08T14:14:00.000Z

NOT A TYPICAL DAY?

A cold day with some frosts on the ground, slippery, but with plenty of sunlights. "European" winter weather. Not very typical for England. I came out of the house and immediately regretted wearing this not-warm-enough scarf. Anyway, i walked to University slowly, with my MD on. Not typical for me either.

I don't know why, i just wanna enjoy each and every step i walked. It felt really nice to walk in such a nice weather, though cold, but very comfortable. I know very clearly that this weather will not last for long, only for a couple of hours. And when it gets dark at around 4pm, it'll not feel the same anymore. But who cares what will it be like tomorrow? Sunshine again? Cloudy? Rainy? Or even Snow? All i know is that i had a really good mood walking to and back from University, cos of the weather? Or cos of something else? I don't know. I am just in a high spirit.

Not so typical for me in the past, but somehow typical for me lately. Well...

2003-11-30T16:04:00.000Z

THE END OF ONE CHAPTER, NOT CHAPTER ONE

Can't believe how fast i got through this sadness of breaking up. Not that i am completely over with it so soon, i only broke up yesterday for Christ's sake. It's not easy to believe the one who cared about you and loved you so much would turn around and want to leave you all of a sudden. But at least, i am not overwhelmed with sadness all the time.

I don't know how it works for others, but for me, breaking up each time teaches me one lesson. Some people would just ignore it and try to escape, but for me, i think things through and try to see what i can get from them. Though it's not my problem this time, and honestly, i still miss him a lot. I have come to understood that, whenever in a relationship, if one party's heart isn't in it to maintain, then it's time to let go. There's no point hanging around, torturing both of us. In this case, this was our ONLY option.

It's not that i am being pessimistic or something, i believe in fate, if we're meant to be together, no matter how many times we split, how difficult and how long it takes, fate will draw us back together. If not, then it's God's will. No point making myself a miserable person, which i had been before. This is not the first time i go through this, and i know there are still more to come. Staying relaxed and happy are the only good things i can do for myself at the moment. So, i'll stay cool. His loss.

2003-11-26T15:24:00.000Z

Going back

The same cold day one year ago; the same mood, same feeling; the same ME; the same way of walking. These all remind me of how a wound can never be cured. Although it's a different person this time...but the nervousness and the anxiety that surrounded me is exactly the same...I am really scared of this coldness, loneliness and restlessness.

The street was quiet, doors were all shut. Going back to a street which i used to go every day provoked a lot of memories. I know i can't complain how people and things change, and there's nothing i can do about it. But I just can't help drowning into the old memories, one year ago or one month ago, does it matter? I took a deep breath and walked home with the same road alone.

2003-11-19T21:45:00.000Z

Relax, we'll see how we're blessed

Never realise how simple 'happiness' could be. Because i am a somewhat negative person. For me, being sad is way easier than being happy. Taking things seriously is my patent.

No matter how shit my day is . A simple phonecall, a good song, a letter from family or a friend, a short conversation with good friends hundred thousand miles away, can cheer me up.

I don't mean to emphasise anything special here, just in case i lose faith later, this will remind me of this concept of simplicity, and the importance of cherishing what i have. This may be common sense concepts to many, but i need to take my time to learn common sense. Thanks Noel for being there for me mate!

2003-11-18T00:25:00.000Z

The big 3

There are 3 things in the world that we, as human beings, can't hide. Coughing, poverty, and love. No matter how hard you try, you just can't hide them. And why hide them if it does not make things better though?

Funny enough, we devote much of our time and efforts hiding these 3 things. The harder people try to hide them, the more obvious they would become. This guy in my Law lecture obviously had an itchy throat, i can hear him trying not to breath in order to stop the itchiness for a while. But as he did this, the coughs were provoked and he coughed even worse. Throughout the whole lecture, i heard him coughing, right behind me. His coughs coincidently cover the key word of each sentence the lecturer says. (OMG!!) His attempt to "hide his coughs" in the beginning of the lecture didn't do all of us any good.

It is certainly worse when you try to hide poverty--psychologically damaging. Those who don't hide it, willingly or unwillingly, seem to be happier. In a way, we are all trying to hide poverty, (except those of you who are super well-off) most of us struggle to gain our livings all the time, being put under stress etc etc. This is painful. As painful as trying to hide your coughs.

As for love, when you can't even control it growing deeper and deeper, how are you going to hide it? To be honest, loving someone is already painful enough, if you try to suppress it, it's even more torturing. In this case, all we can do is to release the feeling of love, show it show it show it! It may not save you from the pain love brings, but at least you will feel a lot better letting it out. Even if you try to hide it, people can still notice. The way you look when he is not around; the sneaky flash in your eyes when people talk about him etc. I see me, and my friends doing this all the time. How embarrassing. >.<

Well, can you think of a 4th thing that you can't hide?

2003-11-15T01:56:00.000Z

Il Mare

I believe that films work on people in all sort of different ways, the magic of connotation. Many questions arised in my mind whilst watching this film, yet i can still enjoy the narrative, the mood and the atmosphere of the film, not being totally preoccupied by those questions.

It's a story of two people who live at the same residence, called IL Mare ('seaside' in Italian), at two completely different periods of time. The boy resides there in 1997 and the girl lives there in 1999. By some twist of fate they find themselves able to communicate through letters in their mail box. (Forget about the technical matter for a while, try to enjoy where the film takes you.) Typical enough, they gradually developed a special relationship between them. 'Special' is the word that suits the best to describe their relationship. They try to 'meet', the girl in 2000 decided a place to meet the boy; the girl goes straight to the place while the boy has to wait for 2 more years. And finally, because the boy has to do a favour for her(who lives in 2000) back in 1998, so that her fate can be changed, he got killed in a car accident. No wonder he does not turn up when they're supposed to meet in 2000. Isn't this heartbreaking? He dies because he is helping someone in the future, someone he has never really met.

There are quite a lot of impressive issues that the film has drawn my attention to. It is this concept of time travel and the question of fate that make the film so attractive. This film is shot in a simplistic way, very rare for films that deal with time travel ideas. And i really like it that those romantic moments in the story are not shown in an exaggerative, explicit way. The locations are absolutely gorgeous, especially the seaside. I love how it shows the two live their lives, alone in that house, lonely but self-containing; the girl drinks the wine the boy left for her 2 years ago; how they keep the same dog; how the girl sends the boy one of her ghost fish; how the boy waits for the girl (1998) at the train station but she does not recognise him at all etc etc.

This film creates a really special kind of mood, i just do not know how to decribe it by mere words. Though i have never actually experienced the same things, but somehow it reminds me of things happened in my life, be it in my childhood or things happened recently. I feel very comfortable watching this film, keeps me engaged in a couthie state of mind.

I will definitely watch this film once more before returning the DVD to my friend. I enjoyed "My sassy girl" very much, but i enjoy this film even more. Hmm...by the way, do you think that time travel can really happen?

2003-11-09T00:27:00.000Z

I apologise to my supportive friends who visit my page often, and found that i have not been writing since almost 4 months ago. Things have been busy, and quite a lot happened. I need some time to clear up my mind before i can continue writing. Sorry mates, it won't take me long to post a normal article again. Thanks for the support and i apologise once again for being unable to write.

2003-07-17T14:01:00.000Z

I wonder.....

When tears evaporate, what will they become? Drops of blue water sitting in a glass...or ice lolly that makes a kid smile? Then when the kid cries, tears appear again...is this possible?

2003-07-12T09:44:00.000Z

BLANK

Having nothing to do at work is torturing. You may not agree. Maybe true, i get paid without having to do much. But just imagine, when the whole office is busy and you don't have to do anything. Only sitting here, watch others struggling with their business...i feel totally invisible.

Everything around me is moving quickly. It's like i am in another time & space, for some reasons, co-incidently merged with 'their' space & time. Who am I? Where am I from? Do I belong to where I am? We nearly never ask such questions. Because 'we are adults', and we are so busy with our livings that we don't have time left for this. Ironically, these questions came up when i am actually struggling for my living. Due to the painfully obvious fact that i am here, 'working', i started to have queries about whether i am from where i am.

To think about it, it's a miracle that humans exist. Like, truly exist. Wait a minute, do we really 'exist'? Could it be that we're only dreaming, 'the world' do not exist? Hmm, but if we put it that way, we actually DO exist, in the dream. How about.....????? (Ten thousand millions more questions)

Shit! Driving myself crazy...

2003-05-31T15:33:00.000Z

CHASE

Coming back to a city like Hong Kong after such a long time, I nearly lost my concept of time, and my sense of direction. This is even more so for a person like me, who is easily confused.

I found out that I am very "slow", in terms of many things, when compared to many people here. It seems that they are chasing after something; God knows what they are chasing. Maybe I have already got used to the living style in the UK, a relaxing one. Though I was born and raised here, it is still difficult for me to catch up with everything in this ever-changing city.

No one would believe how fast everything changes in this small place; Hong Kong is only as big as a dot on the world map. Regardless of its size, it has a big population; it is innovative, energetic and full of excitements. Imagine being in a race with more than 7 million candidates, one has to run really fast in order to win, or at least try hard to be seen. Thus, everyone here is efficient, equipped with up-to-date information. This contrasts with my weird I-don¡¦t-really-care attitude. While people are racing fiercely, I am just sitting here, doing nothing.

How I wish I could chase time, something that I find myself being neglected recently.

2003-05-08T12:37:00.000Z

FARE-THEE-WELL

I have lost one of my contact lenses about 2 days ago. I remember putting them into the lens case after wearing them, but 2 days ago when i opened the case, i found out one of them is lost. I spent like 20 mins searching for it in my bathroom (Approximately 30 mins before my first exam) but still couldn't see it. So i gave up, guess i need to buy a new pair when i go home.

Of course it did upset me a little bit because it kind of ruined my day. You know how it's like when the first thing you do in the morning isn't right, your day wouldn't be any better. So, need not to be mentioned, my exam didn't go really well although i was very confident about that module...and some more other bad things happened, but anyway.

When i told my friends about losing my lens, they tried to investigate for me about where i might have put it or how i might have dropped it into the sink and how my lens would be dried up by now etc. I understand totally that my friends (Thank You!) care about me and wanted to help. But i have decided that i need to leave it behind. There's no point investigating and judging where the body of my lens would be found, and how did its life come to an end. Please, just let it rest in peace. It helped me to see and enforced my self-confience when i felt geeky in my glasses, it was my invisible friend. It's done an awful lot for me, and i am grateful. So let's not disturb it and let it rest in peace...(yea...somewhere in the bathroom or down the pipes...oh no my poor lens...)

Apart from my lens, i have also lost so much in these half a dozen of months. But it's time to move on, and i'll remember all the good times we had. My past and my lens...May they rest in peace. Amen.

2003-04-25T01:57:00.000Z

MIND INTERRUPTED

It is very difficult to believe in myself. It seems that there is only one thing on earth i would believe in, secrets. We look for secrets because we find it hard to believe in our own minds. Very often we deny the truth, evidences that are exposed nakedly in front of us; told right into our faces.

Refusing to accept the reality, we'd rather accept that there is such thing called "Secret" here on earth. Believing in secrets give us hopes, our life-maintaining-water when we're depressed. But how long do we have to wait until the secrets uncover? Will they ever be uncovered? Or are there really secrets out there? No no, don't want to think about this possibility.

It's already been 6 months. Time flies. 27th October 2002 is a day i will never forget about in my whole life. It is this incident (Shall i use this term?) that awaken me to the cruel reality. I have been through the worst time, it was like hell. I have recovered, though not entirely. I can't describe this with merely words, nor by any form of communication in the whole wide world. I really can't believe myself. Until today, after these 6 months, i still tell myself that there must be secrets lying somewhere, and thus that someone has done that something to me. I believe in this is not because i am Intelligent, being cautious and suspicious and critical to things. It's all about me, lacking courage to face the whole fact. I can face 80% of it, but not the rest. Believing in secrets is so much easier than believing there are NO secrets.

We all are liars, very seldom are we not. In saying that i don't mean that we all lie to each other, we lie mostly to our own selves. Is that right for you? It certainly is for me.

2003-04-10T21:50:00.000Z

SECRET?

I am very very afraid of being alone lately, i was never like this before. I know that nobody likes to be alone, but not many are literally afraid of it. Yet, at the same time, i want to be alone. I know this is confusing, but this is how i feel these days.

"Sense of security" seems rather far away, i cannot remember the last time i felt secure. Probably last year this time i would say. Where else can i find sense of security? I guess i can only find this in my own room. I would walk really fast if i had to be in the street by myself, hoping to run home as quickly as i can. It is only in my room where i feel safe and comfortable. Whenever i am alone, (outside my room) i feel very directionless.

Maybe this is life, as we grow up, we encounter more and more problems; yet, we have less and less people to keep us accompanied. And "sense of security" is just not a necessity in the human society. Maybe...

2003-04-03T14:55:00.000Z

FOR LESLIE

It took me a few days to enter this journal, mainly because i didn't have the mood to do so and because i have too much other work to do. The death of Leslie is shocking, and i am still shocked. I was never his hard-core fan or something, but i really like his songs and films. I respect him cos he's one of those people who stand out very much, who do what they want to do, ignoring unneccessary comments from people. I think he killed himself due to mere impulse..it's such a pity. My mood is kinda depressed by this news, i couldn't believe my eyes when i read this BREAKING NEWS online. Nothing more i want to say, just hope that he can rest in peace, and that God forgives his sins. And for those of you who are depressed, don't ever think of killing yourself, it doesn't worth it. The moment you jump off the building, you would regret and want to rewind the whole thing. Such a tragedy. God bless everyone in Hong Kong!

2003-03-31T22:19:00.000Z

COME, SIREN

"Teach me to hear mermaids singing..."
Go and Catch a Falling Star by John Donne

A friend sent me some pictures of a mermaid-like creature found in Japan, and then i spent the whole afternoon wondering whether mermaids really exist. I am one of those people who would never believe that fairy tales are simply fairy tales. I have this slight hope in my heart that there is some kind of conspiracy behind each of the fairy tales, hoping that they actually are real. So that we can have mermaids, scarecrows and Pinocchio walking around, going to school with us, how cool would that be!

If mermaids do exist, are they monsters or gods? Or anything in between? (What is in between them anyway?) Very often mermaids are "seen" alone, sitting on a rock near the coast, combing hair or singing. Where are their friends? Do they ever feel lonely like human beings do? What do they eat? And what language do they speak? I guess what i want to know the most is, what do they sound like.

Some said mermaids have bewitching voice, which are able to lure ships onto rocks and men to their deaths. But i think, unless you have offended them, there is no point for them to harm you. And who knows? Maybe mermaids have very noisy tones, they talk very loudly and high-pitched; or they have deep voice, very man-like voice. The world always surprises us. Imagine seeing a mermaid at the beach, talking in the above voices, they would certainly crash all the fantasies we have towards them.

I'd perhaps believe in the other side of the argument, that mermaids' voices are amazing and magical. When they sing, their singing can heal. (Well, maybe then fishermen enjoy listening to it very much and that's why they crush into rock unknowingly, but then it's not the mermaid's fault.) This is what we need in a world like this: voices that relax you, heal your soul and take away your troubles. Maybe there are already mermaids singing near us every day, but it is always so difficult to listen when we are pre-occupied by other noises, e.g. our own footsteps and own minds. I hope, when i can finally slow down my paces, i can gradually hear mermaids' singing coming nearer and nearer.

2003-03-20T23:33:00.000Z

THE COOK, THE THIEF, HIS WIFE, HER LOVER

A long name for a film, isn't it? But i guess this is the only way to simplify such a somewhat complicated story. This is a film made by Peter Greenaway, released in 1989. This film, i don't really know how to describe, due to its dangerously quiet atmosphere, and its portrayal of sex, violent and eating (What's wrong with eating? Nothing, this is an exceptional case here) makes me very uncomfortable. Yet, i love it.

The story sets in a French restaurant owned by a violent man (Albert) and how his wife (Georgina) falls in love with a customer (Michael) there. I could write a whole 3,000 words article just to describe which bits of the film make me sick and shocked, but i'd rather focus on another aspect of the film, which interests me very much. That is the director's use of color here. It reminds me of the Hollywood film a few years ago, Great Expectations, which also puts a lot of emphasis on color connotation.

The director's play on color is explicit, very much like how a primary school kid would do in his painting class. There are three main colors applied to suit three different places in the film, places where 80% of the story happens. The whole dining room of the restaurant is red, bloody red or deep dark red. The mise-en-scene is absolutely beautiful. To me, red connotes many different things. Red represents passion; Deep dark red connotes aggression, bloodshed, war and hate on one side; love, warmth and compassion on the other. Ironically, it connotes Communism too! Maybe not many of us know, it is also the color of the Greek God of War, Phoebus & Ares. Red implies almost everything that happens in the dining room. From how Albert insults Georgina and other people to her meeting Michael, and to the ending of the film, Albert having to perform cannibalism, eating his wife's adulterer, Michael, with knife and fork. The most stunning scene i have ever seen. Very, very sick.

White is used in the rest rooms of the restaurant. This is also where Georgina and Michael have their first tryst. White represents harmony of silence, pureness, truth and coldness. It is a shocking counterpoint to the filth of the rest of the places in the film. Due to personal preferences, i enjoy watching the rest room scenes because the whiteness makes me feel very relaxed, comfortable. At least it looks clean. One interesting feature i want to point out is that, Georgina's costume (Sponsored by Jean Paul Gaultier, YEAHH!) changes color to match the room she is in. When she walks from the dining room into the rest room, her dress changes from red to white just when the rest room door closes. I enjoy watching this very much.

As for the kitchen, the director uses green. Come to think about it, the director's surname has a coincidental component of green too! All the background lightings, walls and even some items on the tables are in green. It somehow reminds me that the medieval people described green, on one hand, as the color of love; on the other hand it also represented demons and evil serpents. I would say that this connotation fits the themes of the film better: Christian demons were green-skinned and green-eyed dragon-like creatures. So, green here connotes evilness. In case you don't know, green is also the favorite color of Napoleon! No wonder many sex scenes of Georgina and Michael are filmed in the kitchen. (They are committing adultery after all, for god's sake!)

I really admire the director for his clever use of colors and his very fine artworks in this film, although it was made over 10 years ago, but i still see it fashionable. For those of you who have not watched it, this film is highly highly recommended; don't watch it with a full stomach though, as you should expect to see some more-than-enough sickening scenes. And for those who have seen it already, i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did.

Back to my Investigative Journalism assignment...

2003-03-19T23:16:00.000Z

WHO WANTS TO WIN THE LOTTERY?

I am quite sure that many of you have heard something similar, but not many of you might have experienced this personally.

I was making my way home this afternoon after a lecture, it's a cool day & the sun was shining. Remember? I am in England and you don't normally get this here. So i was walking slowly, trying to enjoy the weather, and this totally changed my day. As i walked down a road in University, i heard some strange sound, "Plaaaaaas", and then i felt something landing on my head, right in the middle of it. I stood aside of the road, trying to figure out what actually happened. Many possibilities came across my mind, and i hit the worst one.

Yes, everybody. A little (cute?) bird, as i believe, has had a nice meal and felt like letting out the excessive amount of the nice food and unfortunately landed on my hair. I touched my hair and apparently, some sticky black thingy was found on my hand. Who can i blame? When i looked up at the tree, this "innocent" thing was standing on the branch, its bottom moving. This is the first time in my life.

I then went straight to the washroom, washed my hands and wiped away the poo-poo on my head. I didn't know what to feel at that moment, i was just wondering how many little worms and bacteria were on my hair. (This thought is still running around in my head now) I don't know how long have i spent in the shower washing my hair today, i just hope that i have cleaned everything thoroughly. It's a very yucky feeling. It's really annoying and my head is abnormally itchy right now. I still can't figure out "why me???", one thing for sure, from tomorrow on i'll try to avoid that road i walked today. What i can think of now is, the look on my face when i discovered what landed on my head, must be hilarious. HaHA, weird, i happened to laugh about it instead of getting pissed off. Oh well.

2003-03-15T19:03:00.000Z

Le Petit Prince

(This is an article i wrote two months ago, i really like the topic and so want to publish it here again.)

The Little Prince should be my favourite book so far. I can keep babbling about how much I like it, and discuss each and every scene in the book. But the point I want to make here is, why do I find the story charming.

This book, by Antoine de Saint Exupery, is magic. Different feelings arise when you read this book under different states of mind. It is this specialty about this book that attracts me. Every time I read it, (I have read it for at least 6 times now) I get different insights from it, especially the part about the little prince¡¦s journey. And the differences are, very often, surprisingly extreme. How I wish I had written my feelings down, for the last 6 times I viewed the book.

¡§I am not sure that I have lived since childhood.¡¨ The author of this book once said. Though not as cynical, I do agree with his view. How many of us do actually live, as free as a child, after their ¡§childhood¡¨? As we grow up, more and more restrictions are placed on us, more and more certain fixed values are imposed on us. Very often we don¡¦t get to choose what we want to do; we can¡¦t express the opinions we want to express; and we dare not to ask anymore questions when we don¡¦t understand something. ¡§Grown-ups¡¨, after the training given by other ¡§Grown-ups¡¨, tend to have no personal characters. The ¡§clever grown-ups¡¨ think that they are always right. They live in a frame, which leaves no room for their creativity and imagination. It surely is sad to look at this from the outside of this world.

Although its narrative addresses to children, and only children, I think this is absolutely suitable for non-children too. In saying that, I don¡¦t mean ¡§grown-ups¡¨, adults. No matter how old you are, as long as you have the ¡§brain¡¨, and remember how ¡§grown-ups¡¨ have treated you when you were young, you would fall in love with this book.

In want to finish this article with a line quoted from the book, a line that means a lot to me. ¡§Nothing in the universe can be the same if somewhere- we do not know where-a sheep we have never met has or has not eaten a rose.¡¨ Nothing can be the same if I hadn¡¦t read this book too!

2003-03-14T00:14:00.000Z

IT MIGHT BE...

I was trying to concentrate on my work so hard tonight (HONESTLY!). I finished dinner, shower, and even phone calls quick so that i can be concentrating on my work. But i failed; i got distracted from my studies. I normally study with my music on, i was listening to this mysterious untitled CD my flat mate lent me. As normal as anyone would, i heard a song accidentally, a really special song and i became totally hysterical. I put aside my work immediately and crazily searched for the song and downloaded it. I want the song in my laptop, i just want it. Not quite enough, i searched for the background, the lyrics and so many other things related to this song. I guess this is the disadvantage of having a laptop next to you when you are trying to do some serious work. =P

This song brings me to a very funny place. Hundred and thousands of past memories, pictures, special feelings came back all of a sudden. I bet this might have happened to you too, huh? Seeing, listening, feeling or even smelling some particular kind of things remind you of someone in the past; some things that have happened; and some times you have spent with this person doing that something. You may not have seen this thing, listened to this song, felt this feeling or smelt this smell before. It just seems so familiar. With the past memories, everything is just so familiar. It is really strange but you start to be so preoccupied that you can't do anything else. I just sat there and starred at my Windows Media Player, of course, with the song playing. I started going through all these memories, it feels like i am going back to this place, which i have been trying hard to hide from.

Maybe i should tell you which song i am talking about. It's the theme song of a movie named "Tootsie" in the 1980s, maybe you already have the idea, and it's called "It might be you" by Stephen Bishop. I just don't know why. This song seems to have this power to drag me into a totally different world from where i am right now. Maybe it's pointless finding the reasons. Maybe it's a blessing to have so many memories, which i can re-visit from time to time. Maybe i should get back to my work, hmm, now.

2003-03-12T23:10:00.000Z

QUESTIONS

The following questions, i agree, are totally random.

1. Do you prefer Crayons, Markers, or Colored Pencils?
~ Colour pencils...very often Crayons though.

2. When playing tic-tac-toe, where do you place the first X? a. (upper right hand corner) b. (Dead Center)
~Dead Center too!

3. On a corollary to question 2, X's or O's?
~Emmm 'X'

4. What would your superpower be if you could choose one?
~I wanna be invisible and be able to move around, i am a very greedy person and so this satisfies my DESIRE!!
Then i can go and bite people (secretly) i don't like! HAHA

5. Which comes first, vacuuming the carpet or washing the dishes?
~Washing up first, then immediately the carpet. I can't stand mess.

6. Is blue a good color for the sky?
~Definitely. I am too traditional, i can't imagine a pink or a yellow sky.

7. Does the word "moist" have sexual connotations?
~Yep, to a certain extent. But it also reminds me of the yucky mud and huge worms in the meadow...you know, those in my Uni!

8. What about the word "luscious"?
~OH YEAH!

10.Does the weather affect your mood, or does your mood affect the weather?
~Do you mean the weather in UK and my mood in HK? Or the other way round? -_-

Courtesy to Noel, we are Twins! (well...more or less)

2003-03-04T19:32:00.000Z

LONELY

Things can go really wrong when you are lonely. You want to talk to someone, but all of your friends' phone lines are engaged at the same time. Weird enough, your internet access gets disconnected. (Yes, i am using dial-up because the student village i am living in does not support broadband service...-_-) It seems that everyone is suddenly very busy. I can make a dare, even if you dial 999, you would have to wait for a whole ironically long hour and no one would pick up.

This is how helpless it is when you are lonely. Even the kettle does not bother to boil your water quick, hmm, not as quickly as it normally does. I can even take things further. If i were in the above situation, which was what happened last night, i would be so paranoid that i check my emails twice every 5 minutes. Just wanted to prove that i have not been forgotten by the world, by all the human beings who are able to communicate. In the hope that someone would still remember my existence and care enough to write me. And of course, it always disappoints me. Log in, 0 new mails in the inbox, log out at once.

Still restless, i switched off the light in my room, lied in bed with my music on. I played the same song over and over again, i can't remember how many times have i repeated it. I sank into deep thinking with my hot water bottle dolly, i had many thoughts on my mind. It does not matter if there isn't any conclusion about all those thoughts, as long as i enjoyed the process of it and i feel good.

Eventually i realise that i was not feeling lonely anymore. I somehow enjoyed the atmosphere in my dark room. I like the peaceful, quiet and comfortable atmosphere. I could drift away with my thoughts and no one would interrupt. My loneliness wasn't killing me. (Britney Spears was wrong!) Maybe that's what everyone was doing, enjoying their own deep thinking and that's why i could reach no one last night because they just couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone. Is that right? =P

2003-03-03T21:56:00.000Z

WORK IN PROGRESS

I am Work in Progress, so much that i don't really know where am i going lately. Too much work would only be my excuse, i have always organised my timetable well and i normally finish assignments way before their deadlines. OK, too much work does add more problems, but not as huge as everyone thought it would be. I am just stupid that i blame the whole situation totally on my work loads.

The real reason why am i in a weird mood lately is because i keep meeting people who bring back my old (ancient) memories of things and people. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing though. But to a certain extent, it does bother me. I can't concentrate when i want to; i don't know what i want at all. I have this worry about the future, that i am going a wrong way, just like i did in the past. I know clearly what i should or should not do at the moment, in order to improve things. Or at least, to prevent problems in the future. The worst thing is that, i am not doing anything to stop it. I am so chilled about things that it scares me. Yet, the pressure hides in me unconsciously, so i still freak out from time to time. I would be very 'hyper' at one moment and turn totally unhappy suddenly. That's how weird i am, but i am not going psycho, don't worry. Have i always been so weird, or is it just the case for now? I have no idea.

The only time when i feel less restless is when i talk to my friends, my very old friends i knew back home. Though some of them seem to know nothing about my current situation, but i am still glad that i can count on them. (Thank you folks!!) I guess it's just a temporary state i am going through, and as i (TRULY) get more work to do towards the end of semester, then i'll forget about these memories and weird feelings. God bless me! =)

By the way, i need to thank Mr. Quinn (see how polite i am, i do respect you! HAHA), it's a good idea to try and publish my writings. Though they are just like me, work in progress. But i believe that i can keep improving them. Thanks very much for encouraging me! I'll see what i can do to get my writings published. Hopefully i can be your first Hong Kong writer student! =) Well, at least i hope so.

2003-03-03T18:25:00.000Z

SMILE

I have met a very special person lately. Special in the sense that he is going to be my landlord for next year -_-; he is basically the first landlord in my life; we both can't understand each other too well, you know, he has a strong Italian accent; never mind those, he owns an ice cream van! I have never known anyone with such a special occupation, well at least, i think it is special.

I was waiting outside my new house for this 'ice-cream' van man, there he came, about 15 minutes late. I hate it when people are not punctual. I could hear some funny music coming from the corner of the street, then came a colourful van, painted with loads of cartoon characters, Pokemon, Bob the Builder, anything you can think of. The van stopped and a middle-aged man came towards the wide window of the van, bowed at me. Then i said to my friend, ' Very good, he must have misunderstood our culture..i am neither Japanese nor Thai.' I was actually still annoyed by the fact that he was late. Hmm yes, i did mind. But as i walked towards the van, this annoyed feeling faded away.

Coming near the ice cream van somehow made me happy, very happy. I now know why kids love the vans. I mean, when i was a kid, i loved buying ice cream off these vans too. But they were never as colourful as those in this country, they only have 'Brands' on them, no cartoon characters, not colourful at all. This ice cream man turned out to be extremely friendly. Perhaps working in such a place, which is constructed by fantasy; and making contact with children have something to do with it. The happy & relaxed atmosphere soon overwhelmed me, a totally tensed student who has got tones of assignments and readings to be finished.

After signing the contract for the house, we were about to leave. Then we heard him shouting, ' Hey, wait! Don't you want an ice cream?' It was a chilly day, the wind was blowing emotionlessly along the streets in Liverpool. 'OK, why not?' I marched my way home, with a big, free, vanilla ice cream cone topped with Strawberry sauce in my hand.